The pursuit of 'Happyness'

I am feeling pretty blah today. I was fairly happy this morning until certain people mad me feel angry! Ahhhh I give up. It's useless trying to please people sometimes. *sigh* Nothing I ever do seems right. I am always a disappointment and uninnteresting in their eyes. That's what it makes me feel like at least. I ask about a million times, are you ok? is it something I said? Shall I go out and leave you to it? Nothing seems to work! :(

My work has been the only consistent thing in my life at the moment. I am still loving it and have loads more ideas too. It's nice to think my ideas will be put into practice and that I'm learning new, interesting things every day! I feel I belong somewhere!

I am starting to wonder if I'll ever be where I want to be. I am even questioning if I should continue to pursue my hopes and dreams. They feel like they are forever in coming and the more I hope and dream for things such as love, marriage, success etc, It seems to be going to everyone BUT me! :( Thing is, you would expect there to be an issue with me! Although, I don't feel like I treat people any different! If anything I tend to be a lot nicer and loyal than most people are. I guess it allows people to walk all over me and hence why I am in this position. Maybe I need to move on to a new chapter in my life. Maybe I should begin to explore my options. It is surely a scary thought as I have a man I am in love with more than anything, but is there any point in the pursuit when the feelings are not returned (at least, not to the same level). I know he loves me, but I don't think I can ever be what he wants me to be. I just don't think I can make him fall head over heels again!

I think enough is enough in this post. I am tired and tearful... Dwelling on things is probably not the way to go, so as per usual, I shall pick myself up, dust myself doen and get on with it!!! :-(

Swanny :-(